(6) SAADI's Vision Quest Pt 1: Continued

It had been a very long time since someone made Saadi feel this vortex of attraction, both spiritual and sexual all wrapped up together.  Her previous lover, Gavin, had been good and in fact they would make love for hours at a time but he was afraid to take it all the way.  He was afraid of the “spirit union”, so he put up his macho guard.  He didn’t allow her tongue in his mouth and he didn’t give head but he tongued her constantly and wanted head all the time! 

When their lovemaking left the realm of “how many positions can we master?” and entered the arena of Ying meets Yang he would stop and pull away.  At the first opportunity he would run away, physically leaving her as soon as possible.   Every once in a while he would slip up and stroll for a few moments in the “spirit union”.  Afterwards he would be awash with her energy, light headed, smiling, and staggering.  Once he even commented, “We went far out there this time.  We were walking among the stars.”  So she was certain he knew.  At least he could consider sex and mysticism before pulling away.  In Saadi’s experience most men would, get hard as a rock, stick it in, feel their pleasure, and spit, squirt, and then squeak and groan.  So Gavin was way ahead of most.  If he had only given it time to develop, their lovemaking could have discovered new dimensions but Gavin had issues with the way Saadi chose to practice her religious faith.  Saadi was Buddhist and that just wasn’t black enough for Gavin, or so he said.

Saadi felt Malik would be willing to venture into the abyss, into the edge of known lovemaking consciousness.  He was an artist.  He already had to step off for his work.  He sailed the sea, listened to the waters, watched the clouds flow by, and opened his heart and mind to the unfamiliar.  He seemed to embrace it, to need regular doses of it.  Yes, it seemed like a very long time since she had known someone like him, maybe in more than this lifetime. It scared and excited her.

I want to taste abut I’m afraid it will be my undoing.

”Undoing” was already happening in Saadi’s life.  It seemed the usual order of things no longer felt so. Up seemed down, in seemed out, what appeared conflicting maybe was in harmony.  Like when she chanted Nam myoho renge kyo, sometimes the most profound thing would happen. She would hear the rhythm of drums, African drums.  It felt ancient with the sound of the chant and the beat of the drum being one and the same, her voice a rhythmic instrument. 

How can this religion of Asian roots be African?  After all it was her African centered friends who ridiculed her the most about her religion.  They called her a sell out.  Their viewpoint was that if Saadi were to be true to the struggle for Black Liberation then she would need to give up her Buddhism.  Here she was hearing drums when she chanted, now if that isn’t a contradiction in terms.  

When she went to Japan to the head temple Saadi had seen priests drum on huge taiko drums while people chanted.  The priests looked so regal, so ancient sitting there drumming while the sounds of chanting swirled throughout the room, the drum supporting the chant Nam myoho renge kyo - Nam myoho renge kyo - Nam myoho renge kyo …

Yes, this is what I call an undoing. An undoing of the things I have been taught, separation of religion and culture; that each religion has its own root, its own culture, and never will they ever cross. I will pray on it, I will chant about it, chant to understand this puzzle. I sure don’t know anyone to ask about it. Each religion seemed to be so caught up in its own rhythm that it had no knowledge of any other’s.

Saadi had to find her own way.  She sensed there was the need for change. Her fear was that in doing so she might wind up isolating herself in her difference.

“Sista Saadi, guess what I just found today.” 

“What Malik?”

Artist:  Sharon Franklin aka Okra Stewdio

“Pictures from the Million Woman March.  I didn’t really know you but I remember seeing there. You were with the drummers and all those sistas dancin’. I can still see it, old ones, young ones, babies, it was like a scene out of the Motherland and there you were in the center of it playing a shekare and doing calls.

Saadi, was caught off guard.  She hadn’t even known Malik had seen her at the March.  He had been in a relationship with the matriarch of the Loc House and that sista was no one to mess with unless you wanted a whole lot of grief.  Anyway, Saadi had been dealing with Gavin. In fact the Million Woman March marked the end of their relationship. Saadi’s mind began to drift back to the event.  It had been very powerful.