(13) NO THANK YOU - Part 1

She thought about their last couple of phone conversations. Out of the blue Malik had called to ask for information on how to buy a good playing djembe drum. He wasn’t a frequent caller so Saadi was really happy to hear from him. They talked for a while and as she was hanging up he said, 

“Saadi, you're my Sista. I want you to know that I love you.”

Saadi was so happy when she hung up. 


This six months plan is really working.  


As Saadi returned to her work a few moments later the phone rang again. Selm came in the room.

“Ma, I answered the phone and I thought it was Daddy, but it wasn’t him, it was Brutha Malik.  I hope it’s okay that I called him Dad.  Saadi felt her heart skip a beat.  Oh gosh… 

It had been such a long journey since she had been in a relationship that she wanted.  Saadi and Selm’s father, Jon, had been friends.  She had met him while she was in grad school at NYU.  He was Jamaican but not a Rasta, he was from the Jamaican bourgeoisie, well educated, traveled, smooth and debonair, living the New York life. He was her hangout buddy.  When she would go to Jamaica she mostly stayed on the north side of the island in Ocho Rios but when she would visit Kingston, a mini Manhattan, she would board at his mom’s house.   Jon and her were friends not lovers, she had no intention of settling down with him.  

Saadi was in love with a Rastafarian elder, Jah Teg.  He was the love of her life and their relationship, her treasure.  They just had to wait until she finished school and then she was going to come there to live.  He didn’t want to live in the United States.  He loved his country Jamaica.  He didn’t live in a town so it was hard to stay in contact. He had no phone and mail was sent to a community address, which wasn’t unusual, that was life there.  

Jah Teg would periodically call her from a nearby tourist hotel. She had sent him a couple of letters and he had written her too.  And then, there was no more word from him.  She tried desperately to find him, to get in contact with him, she left messages for him to call, she wrote and did everything she could think of.  After about three months she had exhausted all her ideas. All she could do was wait to hear from him but she never did.  It was discouraging.

Jon also had a lady back in Jamaica.  He explained to Saadi that they could keep each other company, both of them had lovers that were away.  Saadi hadn’t heard from her Rasta man in so long that she didn’t even know if he was alive or dead. Against her better judgment she went along with Jon’s idea.

She knew Jon had more feelings for her than she did for    him but she figured it would take her mind away from Jah Teg and Jon couldn’t be but so serious either, he had a woman at home.  She told Jon she was still sorting out what had happened; Jah Teg was her soul mate and she wasn’t ready for another relationship, but she didn’t mind hanging out, so to speak. Jon was a very attractive man.

Besides, Saadi was in the final stage of getting her Master’s degree, she couldn’t focus on much else.  She had a master’s thesis to finish. When she graduated her plan was to move to Jamaica and work with the Jamaican National School of the Arts. She had already met with the Director about a teaching position.  Once there she could work out what was going on with Jah Teg. 

About a month before graduation Saadi got a little surprise, she found out she was pregnant.  She was totally shocked but pleased. She had always wanted a child, in fact she had wanted many children.  She had had a plan, if she wasn’t married by a certain age she would have a baby, like Nikki Giovanni, one of her idols had done, as a single parent. The baby with Jon was definitely not her first choice but they were good friends and he was a good man.  She had thought Jon would be happy about the pregnancy too.  He was always telling her it was time for her to have a child.  However, when he got the news, he wasn’t happy at all.  Their relationship and friendship struggled. 

At one point they played around with the idea of getting married. Saadi wasn’t crazy in love with Jon but she cared for him a lot and he was the father of the baby she was carrying.  She was willing to give it a try.  Jon was already going through a transition in his life; he was in the process of getting a divorce and as many Jamaican men he had multiple children from multiple mothers. He wasn’t ready. He kept mentioning his fear of making another mistake.  He wanted to do it but he wanted to be sure before he took such a big step. 

Artist:  Carol Kim

Saadi knew inside she was mostly considering marriage because she was pregnant, not because she was in love with him.  She liked Jon, he was a good friend, she even loved him but wasn’t in-love with him. In the end she couldn’t go through with it either.

They remained friends but there was a lot of anxiety between them, too much anxiety.  Saadi knew the stress wasn’t good for her, Jon, or the baby.  Jon wasn’t very interested in the pregnancy anyway, he already had children, but for Saadi it was her first, she needed support. 


Saadi decided to leave once she got her degree but instead of going to Jamaica she returned home to Virginia.

(to be continued)