(14) NO THANK YOU - Part 2

Not long before Saadi moved back to Virginia she went to one of her weekly Buddhist meetings.  That evening there were some special guests, Japanese members visiting from Japan.  Nichiren Buddhism and the Soka Gakkai, its lay organization, was still so new in the United States that sometimes Japanese members would come from Japan to share their experiences.  They hoped to help Americans who were mostly raised Christian, Jewish, or Islamic to better understand the religion. 

At the meeting a middle aged man told the story of how he had lost absolutely everything, his business failed and he became poor and destitute.  He was encouraged to use his religious practice, chanting Nam myoho renge kyo, to pull himself out of hell and to build an even more magnificent life. He said he went through a very difficult process of human revolution. His faith and his life were tested but he never gave up. Now he had a very successful business, where he could take time to travel around the world, sharing his story about faith and victory practicing Nichiren Daishonin’s Buddhism.

Saadi was sitting in the meeting struggling inside.  She had kept the news of her pregnancy from just about everyone, she had not even told her family.  She was in graduate school, the first one to go in her family. Saadi couldn’t bear to disappoint them, even though she was a grown independent woman. Plus things were not going well with Jon.  Maybe it was the look on her face that made the man peer deep into her eyes when he said, 


“When you go to hell use Nam myoho renge kyo to come out of hell.” 

The visitors had brought gifts from Japan, beautiful tokens, trinkets, and souvenirs, a lot of it handmade by the Japanese members.  The man gave Saadi a small fuchsia colored case about the size of a small mailing envelope to hold her prayer book and beads.  He encouraged her to never give up.  She also received a box with four little spoons inside.  Each had the name of a major Japanese city on its handle like Kyoto or Osaka.  Saadi decided to save those for the baby, considering them her first baby gifts.  She hoped one day she would be better able to understand the encouragement she received because at that moment she felt pretty discouraged.

Saadi graduated with honors, shared the pregnancy news with each member of her family and went through all the changes of relocating back with her parents.  Her father was really sick and had been for a few years now.  Taking care of him was wearing her mother out.  It was like their entire lives revolved around his illness, they were living with the only thing in site being his illness and death.  Saadi figured coming home might be good for all of them, having a new baby around would help bring some life into their discouraging situation and she would have her much needed support. 

Her pregnancy went well and the anticipation of a baby gave her parents something else to focus on. Saadi faced the showdown and told her mother she would not be marrying Jon.  Once her mom got through her misgivings about Saadi being an out-of-wedlock mother she got excited. When Selm was born new life breathed into the environment bringing more hope to her and her parents.

Now, they lived a six-hour drive from Jon and Saadi had foolishly assumed that when Jon saw Selm he would fall in love with him just as she had. Of course he would long to be around him.  Even if they were not going to marry they could still enjoy raising their son together. Jon saw Selm and Saadi was sure he loved him but it was in his own way.  Jon was not in Selm’s life very much, not like Saadi wanted; not physically, emotionally, or financially.  Saadi had to carry that burden alone. 

Now here she was with a chance at another relationship, a relationship that she really wanted.  She didn’t want anything to blow it.

Oh my gosh!

Saadi’s mind came back.  She had been holding her breath.

Oh goodness Selm called him Dad. 

"I'm sorry Malik, Selm thought it was his Dad calling."

Now, I know he will run for sure!

But instead he responded, 

“It was nice, I liked it.  I will call you tomorrow.”

Saadi exhaled, she felt a victory.  She was so happy, the six-month plan was working, she liked Malik a lot and it appeared he cared for her too.  Maybe giving up the dream of life in Jamaica, or the storybook dad she had hoped Jon would be; giving them up for single parenting and elder caregiving had all been worth it.  She had finally met that strong distinctive brutha she had long wanted at her side.

The next day she waited all day in anticipation for Malik to call.  She waited the next and the next and the next.  Days turned into weeks and she still heard no word.  Something was wrong she could feel it, a disruption in their connection.

She chanted, “Nam myoho renge kyo.”  

"Do I have the strength to know the truth?" Show me!

Saadi chanted like this for about a week, still waiting to hear from Malik.

It was time for Saadi and Luna’s monthly lunch date, which was pretty much the extent of their hangouts.  It was a hard truth to swallow realizing that if she didn’t seek out Luna she would not hear from her.  This was the hardest part of the Vision Quest, facing the truth.  Saadi dialed Luna's number.

“Hey, hey” the usual pleasantries.  Luna didn’t really want to go eat.  She wasn’t hungry.  She said that yesterday everyone from the Loc House had come to her place.  Someone had cooked her a meal and she had brought leftovers for lunch.

 

“Oh, who came?” 


Even as Saadi asked a voice inside questioned.  


Do I really want to know?  My stomach is getting a tight knot inside. 

“Let’s just meet and go walking,” Luna suggested.

(to be continued)