Saadi’s stomach continued to lock down. She knew, she knew without knowing, while knowing, not wanting to know. Saadi hung up the phone and slowly walked from her office to the small room that held the copier machine and file cabinets. Her co-worker, Lynn, was making a bunch of copies. The singsong whir of the machine serenaded in the background. The room felt tight just like the life force inside her body. It took more work to breathe. She was overwhelmed. She had to speak to break the chokehold on her emotions.
“My best friend is getting ready to tell me that she’s sleeping with the person I am in love with.” Saadi spoke softly not even hearing Lynn’s response, she just wanted to vomit the words to break their suffocating hold on her consciousness. She half heard the encouragement Lynn gave her and prepared herself to leave. She was getting ready to face something she would really rather run away from. It was all just a feeling but much too strong a feeling to disregard or deny.
“Greetings Sista,” said Luna.
“Greetings” responded Saadi as they did the customary cheek-to-cheek hug, one on each side.
They turned and started walking towards the neighborhood close by. They came up on large colonial homes with small manicured lawns. The sounds of their footsteps stood out as they crossed the cobblestone street. They turned down a street lined with lavender crepe myrtles. Their beauty irritated Saadi. How dare they? Didn’t they know what was going on? Then the cobblestones began to grate on her nerves. She usually loved the way they were always slightly slippery. You had to walk-slide to maintain your balance. Right now that was too much work. It was taking an enormous amount of energy and focus to just hold a normal conversation. 
It didn’t take long for Luna to get to the point. A month, a whole month they had been going out. The same month she had not heard from him. Since that last phone call that Saadi had thought was such a victory, her fifth-month victory in her six-month No-Sex campaign.
“I told him he should tell you.” Luna pressed.
“NO, You should tell me. You are my old friend. He is my new friend. We are sistas. Aren’t we sistas?”
Words beat inside her head like a drum…
I should know.
Why didn’t I know?
What a fool-
To think that he…
Would want me!
Luna continued to talk as they walked. They were coming close to Saadi’s office. Saadi was trying to figure out how to get out of there, she needed to digest this information. She felt like a computer that had frozen, she needed to crtl-alt-del. She started chanting inside.
Nam myoho renge kyo, nam myoho renge kyo, nam myoho renge kyo.
One of the local streetwalkers walked up. She had a somewhat desperate look on her face. She asked Saadi for a ride home, she did not have enough money to even catch a bus. Saadi had given her rides before on the way home. She said yes, grateful for an excuse to leave. The three of them went to her car. First Saadi gave Luna a ride back to her office and told her she would talk to her soon. Then she gave the lady a ride home. Afterwards she went home to think and cry and chant over and over and over again. After the first waves of shock wore off she talked to herself.
It’s all good. I am determined to claim a victory from this, no matter what. There is a “lesson learned” here. What is the lesson, this lesson that I never want to repeat, ever again in no other lifetime, including this one? This feels very old like it has happened before, almost like it’s a tape that loops replaying the same scene over and over. again. “Karma neh?” But this time, yes this time I determine, it will be the last.
Waiting may mean you never sleep.
Sleeping may mean you never wait and never know…
We all want to be happy,
And we do our best to obtain it.
Such a fleeting thing…
Happiness based on another person.
Saadi’s life went on. She mourned her loss, but she was gratified at the closure. The loyalty to the loc group was no longer necessary. Her friendship with Luna had been dribbling to an end, now it was over. Pretenses by either were no longer necessary; Malik had provided the needed exit.
Saadi still cared for him. She would see him from time to time, even though she was sure Luna did not like it. They never had sex, never kissed intimately or even held hands outside of brutha-sista friendship demonstrations of affection. He was after all, her friend. She explained it to Luna, as she understood it herself.
“Its two different issues, my relationship with you is not dependent on him and my relationship with him is not dependent on you. He is my friend and he will continue to be my friend, just as you are Luna.” Inside Saadi could see that before she and Luna’s relationship had been cracked, now it was broken.
Luna said, “I think we should all be friends and hang out together.”
Bullshit, thought Saadi, who’s she kidding, herself?
Saadi had known her far too long. Saadi had no desire to hang out with them either. To see Luna embrace him, to watch him look into her eyes intimately.
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